Patch for the Doctors
by akirakurosawa
Summary: In the Patch, future Docs gather to study. When you have such a close community, lots of things happen! Edward has his heartbreak, Bella has hers. Add age differences, gossip and misunderstandings, best friends or a little bit more, and it's a long road to love. Late nights, drama, exams, and lots of coffee and cigarettes! AH, cannon couples.
1. Heartbreak warfare

**This is my first story for Twilight universe, and after years of reading I have decided to write a story based on true events, just make it a bit more dramatic and also, write it as a part of life of my favorite characters. Considering I am an European, Medical School will be based on the European system. I hope you guys will like it. **

**DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own the characters.**

I was fucking livid. I kept pushing the gas pedal in my car, not even noticing how far above speed limit I was driving. My head was throbbing, my heart was fucking breaking, and I just wanted to crash into something. Music was on, and it was like the whole fucking world was conspiring against me – every bloody station I turned to played some stupid, shitty love song. I honestly felt my need to hit something – or should I say someone, rise exponentially with mileage I put between myself and that cheating, lying whore I used to call my girlfriend.

_Everything was going great. All our friends were there with us, at a small cabin-house in the woods, celebrating New Years Eve. We were pretty much exhausted from a day of skiing, but not exhausted enough not to have a party. So now we hit the stash of tequila. I turned and spotted the sexiest and prettiest of all the girls present, my girlfriend of four years - Kate._

_She made her way and sat in my lap._

"_Hey," she said. I grinned at her and kissed her. Our tongues met in a frenzy and it felt fucking awesome. Her hands entwined in my hair, and she moaned a little. Before we could go any further though, our friend Jessica, pretty plastered, pulled her away from me and dragged her to the improvised dance floor. The middle of the room, really. Fucking cock blocker._

_Kate, Jessica, Mike, Emmet, Rosalie, they were all dancing. I don't dance – I'm not nearly as pissed as I should be to even contemplate dancing. Kate looked like she was having a blast. I sat back, thinking how great this year has been for her. _

_She finally finished Medical school, State's Exam, and got apprenticeship at the biggest hospital in town in an area she was interested in. I was so fucking proud of her. We were contemplating moving in together, as soon as I finish the rest of my exams in a couple of months. She was two years older than me, so I was a bit behind the schedule in comparison to her. I was happy that in the future year all my hard work will pay off an I will start a new chapter of my life with a girl who I was positive is my soul mate._

_This night of drinking, dancing and just having fun was exactly what I needed. The only thing I missed was my best friend, Jazz, who was studying abroad for a year. He was my friend since before primary school, and celebrating anything without him was odd. I mentally toasted for him and drank a shot of tequila, knowing he was probably doing the same as I, wherever he was now, at this ungodly hour. The good thing was, he was coming back in three months. I couldn't wait._

_I averted my eyes back to the dance floor, and saw Kate wasn't there. I searched for her through the small crowd, and saw her talking on a cell phone. Her parents were also away for celebration, so I assumed she was talking to them. I also assumed she couldn't hear them so well, so I decided to turn off the music, and at the same time pull a prank on all my friends, killing their music and watching them wiggle for a couple of seconds. That shit is always fun. I stood up, went to the stereo player and shut the music off completely. Everybody turned to me, but my smirk died as soon I heard Kate's voice._

"_... miss you fucking me too…" _

_Kate yelled at the phone, but the problem was that we could all hear her now that the music was off. The silence in the room turned deafening. She slowly turned and looked at me. I, on the other hand, was feeling… I don't know._

"_What the fuck was that about?" I asked her through gritted teeth. I could feel my heart pounding, and it wasn't from the alcohol._

_She looked like a deer caught in the headlights, and her mouth was open. She ended the phone call in a hurry, threw her phone down and rushed to me._

"_It wasn't what it sounded like, please let me explain, I will tell you…" I put distance between us, because I couldn't take her touching me right now. _

"_What. The fuck. Was that about?" I repeated again, slowly. I could feel my control slipping fast, and I didn't want to hurt anybody. _

_She took a deep breath, gathering the courage to tell me what will become the worst thing that has happened to me so far._

"_Okay, here it goes. I've been having… an affair of sorts with my mentor, for the past couple of months. I was going to tell you but it wasn't anything important, it was just, I don't know, we were both lonely and you were studying all the time, and he doesn't mean anything to me, and I will end it and…" _

"_For how long Kate?" I interrupted her. She looked scared. Nobody in the room was moving, I noted._

"_How long?" I repeated._

"_Four months."_

_I barked a laugh._

"_Wow. Just… wow Kate. Wow. Four months? Wow. I was studying? Well of course I was fucking studying – I am in Med school, I have exams, you were fucking studying the same as I was less than half a year ago. But I guess then you just started fucking."_

"_Don't be a prick Ed, it's not fair…"_

"_Oh no you fucking don't." I was beyond pissed. I was livid. "You, my dear, don't get to tell me what is and is not fair. Fuck you. We're done."_

_I threw the glass on the floor and went towards the exit. The room was still silent, and I felt sympathetic eyes on me, and suddenly it all became too much. Emmet gave me my jacket at the door, my car keys and patted my shoulder in a brotherly manner._

"_You want me to come with you? I didn't know, I don't think anyone knew…"_

"_It's okay man. I can't stay here. Sorry, but I just can't. I can't fucking stand it, I…" I needed to get out of that room before I started trashing things around or worse, crying. _

"_It's okay. Just… take care, please. I'm sorry."_

_I put on my jacket and stepped out without a second glance. She didn't follow me._

How the fuck are you supposed to deal with something like that? I mean she is my life. My love. My everything. Four fucking years… I wanted to die. I seriously contemplated crashing my car into a tree, just to end this endless pit of despair I felt I was drowning in. I couldn't even start describing how I felt. Anger, sadness, fury, betrayal, pain… it all morphed into an ugly monster sitting on my chest and physically disabling me from breathing.

I love that girl. I fucking love that girl. How the fuck do you start fucking someone else? How the fuck… I couldn't think about it, I felt I was going to burst. I listened to the stupid song on the radio about whatever-the-fuck as I stared ahead and just kept on driving.

_I won't cry._

I had no idea how long I've been driving, but then I realized I was back in the city and I knew what my destination was. _Our library of sorts, where I first fucked her, where I first met her, where we sneaked around before becoming official – Patch._

It was supposed to be empty because it was New Years Eve, and everybody was out celebrating. Fuck my fucking life - I was going to drink myself to death in the Patch on New Years Eve. That was a whole new level of pathetic.

I parked my car in front of it, noticing lights inside. _Who the fuck is as pathetic as me, studying on New Years?_

I almost tore down the door – they were locked. My anger just intensified for some reason and I knew I was going to break something before the night was over. I remembered I had the key, and unlocked it. I threw my jacket over the couch in the kitchen and pulled a bottle of vodka from the freezer. We always kept alcohol inside – every time someone passed an exam it was sort of an unwritten rule to bring some alcohol. _Actually, it was probably a written rule, now that I give it a thought._

"Thank fuck for that," I chuckled, drinking straight from the bottle. Suddenly I realized it was the remains of the expensive, Finnish vodka Kate brought when she had her birthday last month, and I got even angrier than I were.

I took the whole bottle and threw it against the wall across the room, where it smashed in thousand little pieces. It felt good. I wanted to crash something else, to make this awful, sickening pain go away. I just pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and another bottle from the fridge, when I heard a door open softly. I turned around and there stood Bella.

She was a young girl – five years my junior, and also in Med school. She started studying in the Patch because of the fact it was open through the night, and considering she was from my home town, we talked quite a bit through the years she was here. She had issues with the language when she first came because she grew up in Italy, and was pretty lost because she left everything at home and came to study here. Luckily, Jazz, Em and I spent a year and a half in Italy as exchange students, Emmet's parents even lived there, so she always asked us for advice or translation of words, and she was like the newest addition to our little almost-foreign family. Like a younger sister of sorts.

She wore an oversized hoodie that looked like a dress, stockings and held a scalpel in her hand, and she looked absolutely terrified.

_She is another lying, cheating whore. They are all the same._

I got angry, like really, really angry. I don't know why, but just seeing her there made me see red.

_It's not her fault, _I tried to reason with myself, but it was like I was not myself anymore. I took another swing from the bottle in my hands and started walking in circles. Bella wasn't moving from the door, she looked like someone stunned her and left her in place.

How could she do this to me? How could she throw away four years together for some other dick? She just went and fucked a guy, her fucking mentor of all people! I remember her telling me how he was great, one of the youngest specialists in Otorhynolaringology and how he was helping her and how he was just fucking awesome. _Well I guess he was pretty awesome in fucking too, because that's what she's been doing for past four fucking months_. I remember joking with her how I was jealous that she thought so highly of him, and her brushing it off like a joke. I remembered her body writhing under me as I gave her pleasure with my hands, my mouth and my cock. Then I imagined him on top of her and I felt physically ill.

I abruptly stopped and sat down, lighting a cigarette in process. I needed to calm down and not think about her fucking him, not think about his dick inside her, probably just hours before mine was there. I needed to stop thinking about him cumming on her tits, or her blowing him…

I saw Bella move from the corner of my eye, making a circle around me, like an animal afraid of a predator. She sat across from me, dropping the scalpel she held in her hand as she did so. She had yet to utter a word, and if I was in a right mindset I would have advised her against it. But I said nothing, and just lit one cigarette on top of the other, not counting, trying to find solace in the smoke and familiar burn in my throat. It was all in vain. I closed my eyes and tried to erase the images of him pounding relentlessly into her as she whispered his fucking name.

"Edward." A soft whisper came out of nowhere, and it sounded like Kate. It sounded just like her, when she would beckon me to come to her, to make her see stars, to put my cock in her…

I snapped.

I took the ashtray from the table and smashed it against the wall. She stood up like someone burned her and tripped over the chair that fell on the floor with a thud. The sound of my name on her lips felt like a dagger right in my heart.

"You motherfucking whore, how could you! You told me you cheated on me in front of all my friends, that you've been fucking your mentor for months! How could you? All you women are the same filthy whores incapable of true emotions, just chasing after bigger dicks! One isn't enough for you, is it, you slut!?" I yelled at her. She looked terrified, and it gave me a thrill._ I would hurt her as much as she hurt me._

"I hate you, you heartless bitch! You fucked another as you kept on telling me how you loved me! We were talking about moving in together! I don't even know why I'm here with you now, I should have just driven myself into some tree on the road, I fucking hate you!" I screamed at her. I screamed at the top of my lungs, wanting to spew the venom, to hurt her, to make her cry and suffer. And indeed, her brown eyes were tearing up, _but her eyes weren't brown, they were supposed to be blue_?

I looked at the girl in front of me and it wasn't Kate, it was some other girl, she wasn't raven haired, she was a chocolate brown, but I didn't care anymore. She is a woman, and she is just like Kate – a cheating, lying, heartless cunt.

"I hate you, you slut. I hate you! I hate you!"

I kept going forward and she kept going backwards, until she was pinned against a wall. Her eyes were full of tears and looked so scared. Her lips weren't moving but her eyes pleaded. I didn't care.

I kept advancing, coming closer and closer and I felt like I could murder someone. My breath was ragged, my blood was boiling, my fists were clenching and she looked so powerless in front of me. I knew I could crush her anytime I wanted. I wanted to crush her so bad, I wanted to fuck her hard and make her beg for my forgiveness, I wanted to punish her, but then I blinked and it wasn't Kate in front of me – _it was Bella!_

"EDWARD!"

She yelled and I blindly threw a punch at the wall as far away from her as I could because it wasn't Kate – it was Bella in front of me the whole time! I heard a blood-curling scream and suddenly she wasn't in front of me anymore.

_What have I done?_

I was leaning at the wall when I looked down and suddenly I felt the need to throw up.

Bella was sitting at the floor at an odd angle. Her stockings were ripped, her face was stained with tears and she looked like she was in so much pain. Under her I could see a pool of blood starting to form. When she fell, she fell straight on top of the broken glass from the bottle and the ashtray I threw earlier.

She wasn't moving, she just looked at me. I could see the blood beneath her, the ruby red a sharp contrast to her black stockings. Her face contorted in pain, and I couldn't move.

_What have I done?_

She slowly pulled one of her hands from the bloody mess, and I could see tiny pieces of glass on her palm when she spoke.

"Is your hand alright?"

Her voice was barely above a whisper, and she sounded so weak… It woke me up instantly. I made an even bigger mess out of things, and I hurt her. I hurt Bella. It wasn't Kate. It was Bella there the whole time.

My chest started to hurt and I felt lack of oxygen. I hurt Bella, and she was bleeding.

_You are a fucking doctor you idiot, help her! It's your fault she is broken!_

"Can you stand up?" I asked her. She didn't say anything, but she started to move. She whimpered again when she felt all the glass under her move and dive into her skin. She flinched and bit her lip, almost drawing blood. So I crouched and slowly, slowly, helped her get up and assessed the damage.

She had glass shreds in her palms, but I could see none of the major veins was cut. Her stockings were ripped, and the back of her thighs was cut in a criss-cross pattern. It was bloody, but I could see only two gashes that were a bit deeper, the other ones looked like they were superficial. I was worried that one of the gashes would need stitching.

"Don't move," I told her, and went to get alcohol, antiseptic gel, sterile gauze and tweezers, to remove the glass. She just whimpered. I saw her legs were shaking, so I decided to take her with me to a more comfortable place.

I grabbed her around the waist and almost dragged her to the side room, where there were two couches that we usually used for sleeping, if someone stayed up late studying and didn't feel like going home. Our progress was painfully slow, but I couldn't risk more damage than I already caused.

"Bend over the couch," I told her, and she did so without objection. She kept her palms up, and I knew I needed to hurry. I took out the gauze, the alcohol, gel and tweezers and got to work.

I knelt behind her, quickly brushing my hands with the alcohol and the gel to avoid infecting her with something. I gently pulled her hoodie over her ass and exposed her to me. She wore blue panties, I absentmindedly noted. There was no glass in her ass, for which I was glad. Then I started taking her stockings down. Her legs were shaking and I could hear her sobs, and they went right to my fucking heart and I felt disgusted with myself.

I started pulling glass from her thighs and she couldn't contain sounds of pain and sobs. I went to work mechanically – I pulled, and disinfected the area. She screamed when alcohol touched her broken skin and I flinched – _I did this to her._ I gently swept the gel over her thighs, thanking God on the small miracle that none of the cuts were deep enough to need stitches. Then I covered them with gauze across the whole surface of her thighs, and fixed it in spot. Her pussy was right in front of me.

_I feel the smell of her pussy now._

That just made me hate myself. If I needed another reason, that was it. I made a young girl, innocent girl bleed and I hurt her for no fucking reason, and now I'm thinking about how she smells when she's aroused. I am a disgusting pig.

I took her by the waist and turned her around. The look on her face… it made me feel like a monster. I could see she was in so much pain by the way tears flooded from her eyes with no restraints. Her lips were red because she was bighting them the whole time, trying to stop the sobs and the whimpers of pain.

"Let me see your hands," I whispered, and she complied, like a child, without question.

_She is so young._

I repeated the process with her hand, but it was worse now, because I could see her now. I looked straight at her eyes every time she flinched, and I didn't even realize I was whispering "I'm sorry" every single time I could see she was in pain. I was kneeling on the floor in front of her, making sure there is no unnecessary pressure on her thighs. I wrapped her palms in gauze, and knelt back on my heels.

_She looks so broken and so small. I am never going to forgive myself._

And then, if that was even possible, she made me feel like even bigger shit than I was. She took a few deep breaths, swallowed her tears, and took the alcohol and the gauze from my hands. Then she took my right hand in hers and softly, tenderly, started wiping the blood off of it, and started moving my fingers.

I have forgotten that I punched the bloody wall, and to think she remembered after enduring all that pain was… it fucking hurt. Not the hand. My heart hurt.

_I will never forgive myself for this._

She made me clench my fist, then relax it, and she finally whispered "It's not broken."

Then she just leaned back on the couch.

I felt ashamed and disgusted and angry with myself. I wanted this night to end, and I wanted it never to have happened. I wanted to scream and shout. I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted to make Bella feel better. I wanted not to feel so hurt about Kate. I wanted everything to be alright. I wanted to be happy.

But I couldn't. So I started crying.

I didn't even feel it at first but then the tears kept coming and I started sobbing and it hurt, oh God, it hurt so fucking much I thought my heart was going to burst.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…" I kept saying, and then I felt her sliding down to my level and I hugged her, I hugged her so hard because I needed to feel, I needed to feel her, to know I haven't broken her the way I was broken, to know I haven't destroyed her like Kate destroyed me, to feel her alive and breathing above me and I just needed to touch someone, I needed someone to touch me now, when I was finally falling apart.

I started talking, I have no idea what I said but I know I apologized, and she just sat there in my lap, wiped away my tears, murmured softly in my ear and rocked me like a little baby. I held her like she was the anchor because I was sinking fast, I sunk so low I didn't know if I was ever going to leave this dark place, after all the hurt I felt this evening, and especially after all the hurt I caused this evening.

I could feel her trembling, or maybe I was trembling, or it was both of us. I felt like I was choking on my spit and all the emotions just intensified. I felt betrayed, I felt hurt, angry, and guilty, I felt like a piece of trash, I felt unworthy and I felt like a bad person.

But for some reason, she was still there. She was there with me, all broken and hurt because of me, and she still held me as I cried myself into exhaustion. She wasn't going anywhere, and why was she here on New Years' and did she even have anywhere to go? I have no idea for how long we've been curled up there, but I remember her standing up and pulling me up and on the bed. She removed my shoes and hers, turned off the lights, and then slowly, as to not hurt her hands, lay down beside me and pulled some blanket over both of us.

I wasn't crying anymore. We were lying face to face, and my hand found its way to her waist and I pulled her closer. I saw her eyes twinkling in the moonlight, for there was no light anymore. She didn't say anything; she was just looking at me. I needed her to say something. I needed to make things better.

"Kate told me she was fucking her mentor at the clinic for four months tonight."

Her eyes widened.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you."

"It's not that bad. Let's not talk about it."

We were whispering in the dark. I heard people shouting out on the streets.

"What time do you think it is?" I asked her, and she shrugged.

"What a start of a New Year. Somebody shoot me now."

Then I realized it could offend her, and I looked at her afraid that I have made, yet another mistake. She was smiling.

"I hope this doesn't point to a pattern that leads to me bleeding to death. That would be extremely unfortunate."

I smiled back at her, but my tome was serious.

"I won't let anything bad happen to you anymore. I am sorry. I promise."

"I am sorry you didn't get your New Years' kiss," she whispered, barely audible.

I could feel the mood changing, but I didn't know in what direction. There were so many things we needed to talk about but I couldn't bring myself to start. I decided that this shitty world would still be there tomorrow, and that we deserve a night of peace.

"Would you be my kiss?" I asked her, surprising myself with how shy I sounded.

She was quiet for some time, just looking at me. Her eyes were starting to get puffy, but under the obscure light she looked so young and so naïve, I wanted to lock her up and keep her safe from everything there was in the world.

"Yes," she almost mouthed.

Her eyes closed and she kept still, moving the tiniest bit forward. I closed the distance and touched my lips to her cheek in the moment my eyes shut.

Her skin was tender and soft. I could feel the wet trail of tears and I felt like crying again. She scooted forward, and it was as if we were both holding our breaths. I moved my lips over her cheek, not pushing, just giving her soft pecks that asked for forgiveness and offered comfort and showing gratitude. She smiled a little, and that made me smile in return, and we opened our eyes at the same time.

"Happy New Year," I whispered.

"May it be better than the last," she added.

I pulled her even closer, holding onto her like she was my safe haven, and let exhaustion and sleep engulf me.


	2. Love soon

**Hello guys! I'm glad to have received such a positive feedback to the first chapter! Sorry for not uploading sooner - I had an exam today, so I wanted it to be over before I post something. Hope you like this one too :)**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.  


_I was dreaming I was happy. _

_It was a strange dream, sort of like a déjà vu – I knew some things that I'm seeing have already happened, or maybe I just imagining them happen? It was all so real. I remember being happy, I know how it feels. _

_I saw a girl dancing and it split my mouth into a smile because she was so beautiful when she was laughing._

_I saw a forest, and there was darkness looming ahead of me, and then I wasn't happy anymore._

_I saw the girl crying, and then she wasn't crying tears, she was crying blood, there was so much blood coming out of her eyes and her nose and her palms and she was screaming._

_Then there were bright lights of the ER and moving cart with a body on it and she wasn't moving, just her eyes were open and they were ravenous and ruby red. _

_I begged her not to kill me but she said it needed to be done. I wasn't worth much to her, and my death will bring relief and rid her of the terrible thirst. _

_Was it all the same girl?_

»Edward, wake up, please.«

I heard a whisper and felt the air on my face. As I opened my eyes I smiled, until I saw Bella by my side and remembered all that has happened the night before.

All the crazy emotions came back, betrayal and disappointment the most prominent. Betrayal by Kate's actions and the fact that she fucking cheated on me, disappointment because she wasn't here with me, sadness and guilt for some reason and disbelief, all these emotions mashed together and created a fucking mess in my head. On top of that, I felt the beginnings of a migraine in my scull.

I wanted this day to be special. It was the first day of the New Year and I wanted this year to be even better than all those before. I wanted to wake up with Kate, making love to her slowly, showing her all my love and devotion as my cock slid into her – and then I remembered she was probably fucking her mentor right now and I felt sick to my stomach.

"Come on Edward," Bella whispered. "I made us some coffee."

She used her bangs to cover her eyes, and I remembered.

_I hurt her last night._

"How…" My voice sounded croaked, so I cleared my throat. "How are you feeling?"

_What a stupid question to ask, how the fuck do you think she feels?_

"I'm fine. Let's go get some coffee."

She stood up and turned to leave, and my eyes fell on her legs. She wore a pair of gray leggings, and I could see a small, red mark of blood on her right thigh, where the blood broke the gauze and the material of the leggings. She was walking slowly, obviously trying to minimize the discomfort her bruised legs were causing.

I felt like a monster.

I put on my shoes and followed her to the kitchen, trying to massage my temporal lobes and prevent a headache. Considering the chaos of the night before, I was expecting to see broken glass and blood, but instead I was stunned.

The room was clean, the drapes lifted and small rays of sunshine were reflecting of the huge amount of snow that appeared overnight, lighting the room in the process and giving it a nice glow. It smelled like coffee, and two huge cups were indeed steaming on the table, along with two boxes of Marlboro – gold and red. An empty ashtray stood next to them, along with some tea-biscuits with chocolate on top.

_Not the ashtray I broke last night. _

I looked at Bella. She was standing in front of me, nervously flicking her hands, which were still in bandages. She did all of this for me… well, for us, but still. She did all of this for the guy who hurt her physically so bad that she was still bleeding. The guy that yelled at her, called her lots of less than flattering words, insulted her in multiple ways and then made her fucking bleed on the floor like an animal.

_I can smell the disinfectant in the air if I concentrate hard enough. She must have scrubbed the floor._

I felt sick.

"Bella…"

I tried to say something but my words stuck in the throat. **I** was an animal last night, I was the monster here, and yet there she stood, her eyes puffy and tired, her hair pulled up in a pony tail, her thighs bloody and her palms cut, in front of the coffee she made for me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." I breathed out in a rush, trying to apologize.

"It's alright," she smiled. "I don't blame you. It could've happened to anybody after such a night. I am clumsy anyway."

I shook my head.

"No, don't you dare just glaze over it like it's not a big deal. It is a big fucking deal. It's my fault. Jesus Christ Bella, you're bleeding! I was so angry but that's no excuse, and you were just there, so innocent and I screamed at you and I… I just snapped. And then after all that, I blubbered all over you like a fucking baby. "

All the flashes from the night before came back to me and I have never felt more ashamed of my actions then at that moment. I knew people said there are shameful tears, but I never believed in that, up until this moment.

"I know it's not an excuse and I… I'm so sorry, Bella, please believe me when I say I'm so, so sorry." I finished lamely.

"Apology accepted. Now sit down and let's drink some coffee, I'm dying for one right now."

Her smile was tired but genuine. I was so confused with everything that happened that I nodded and sat down, obeying her gentle voice.

"They said there would be snow but I had no idea it could be like that," she smiled sipping her coffee and lighting a cigarette. She was always smoking when she was studying, as most of us did. It is stupid and irresponsible, but once you start, you don't want to quit. It's like a cursed addiction, you need the smell, you yearn for the comfort of that bloody death-stick, and you refuse to give it up.

The silence was extremely awkward as I lit up my cigarette. I preferred gold over red, but Bella stayed true to herself as she smoked those red devils. I thought about how badly I fucked up, so much that I would honestly rather be anywhere else right now than here. However, I knew I had some serious making up to do to her, but no idea where to start. I mean, I was fucking broken too, weren't I?

Coming to think about everything a bit more, I realized I needed to vent. The horror of last night was something I needed to talk about to someone, and sadly, the person I would normally turn to is all the way across the Canal. Jasper was undoubtedly waking up now in bed with some hot chick named Michelle for another round of monkey-sex.

_Or more likely, alone in bed with a bottle of Jack. It was his favourite drink, which had no connection to it being Charlotte's favourite drink. None whatsoever. _

So now, it was either me facing the heartbreak alone, or me talking to this almost-teen girl and facing the heartbreak alone… but with a witness. Bella wasn't saying anything, and for once I was so grateful that she _understands._ I don't need mindless chatter. I don't need her pushing me into conversation. I just need a friend.

As I felt a fresh wave of tears spring into my eyes I knew I needed to start talking, if not other, than to save the last speck of masculinity I had left.

"I... need to speak. Please don't interrupt me, as crazy as this may sound I really need to speak and I'm so sorry Bella for everything that I did to you. You didn't deserve that, and when I think about it nobody deserves that, even though I would love to see Kate hurting as much as I am right now. I mean, she is fucking her bloody mentor at the clinic for months."

_Dr. Pace fucking Kate against the wall in her lab coat._

My hands were shaking so I put the coffee cup down. _Well, there goes that fantasy, _I chuckled bitterly.

"I mean, her excuse is – I was studying! Of course I was fucking studying, I am in fucking Med School! We always study! Always! And here I was, being a good boyfriend, bringing her snacks for her breaks, taking her to fucking lunches, fucking the shit out of her, foolishly dreaming we were going to start living together… what a bloody moron."

The migraine was on full force, and I was nervously combing my hair with my fingers, probably making it even more of a mess than it was. I could never tame my hair, it's the one thing I can't control in my life.

_Apart from my girlfriend fucking her boss, apparently._

"You know, everywhere I turn, it reminds me of her. We actually started our relationship here, in the Patch," I almost smiled when all the memories started reappearing in front of my eyes.

I looked at Bella briefly – she wasn't smiling. She was twisting a cigarette between her fingers and looking at me. Somehow, I needed to tell her everything.

"She was kind of dating Benjamin at the time. It should've been my first clue, she couldn't stay faithful to anybody apparently, but it never concerned me before because I got what I wanted – her."

I lit a cigarette. Nicotine hit me hard, making me feel dizzy and home. I have been smoking since I was 16 years old, so I would say my lungs were in a pretty bad shape, but I don't think I will ever give them up.

"I felt such attraction to her, that I knew I needed to have her just for myself. You know her – she's sarcastic, funny, and a bit hard on people sometimes but a good friend and a really outgoing person. She drew me in and she knew exactly what she was doing. She had just broken up with some boyfriend of hers, older guy, a musician, and she was partying like crazy. Now, you haven't been here for so long so you have no idea how those parties looked like."

I smiled, remembering the days when we were younger, stupid, and unconcerned about the grown up world. It was just studying back then, and not worrying about a job or future or anything. And I remember first seeing Kate, and how beautiful she looked with those big blue eyes and black hair. My heart started to hurt when I remembered the betrayal.

"We were pissed drunk and horny and we just fucked."

Bella coughed and I had to chuckle, because she was adorable. She never cared much about the over-sharing of facts about our sexual lives – she kept those things to herself. I guess it was the Christian upbringing, or maybe she was just uncomfortable with it.

"We started… sleeping together often, but we hid it from people. It was our dirty little secret, and it was fun. Everything was fun with her. We got addicted to the thrill. You know, kisses when no one saw us, fast fucks here and there… we stayed last here in the Patch, put the key in, and just… fucked."

"I can imagine you two doing that actually. I mean, not the fucking, but, you know, sneaking around." She was blushing when she said it, and smiling too. There was something sad about her at that moment, and I didn't know what it was, but it made me sad too.

"It was very thrilling, the fact that nobody knew. I mean, obviously, Alice knew after some time, and Rose too, you can't hide anything from that girl. I told Jazz, and after a while, we got tired of hiding and we just told everybody."

"What about Ben?" She asked, taking a sip of the coffee. It was really good coffee.

"He was in the room when we told everybody. I thought she told him before, but I guess she never did. He took it… rather hard, I guess." I put out my cigarette. I still felt kind of bad about it.

"Yeah, well I would too, I guess." She nodded.

"I still feel bad about it, but the guilt kind of disappeared because I got Kate for myself, and it was all I ever wanted. It was awkward at first, because of Ben, but then it all just stopped being that important."

"Did he blame you?" She asked.

"Yeah, I guess he did, but he never said anything. He kind of just… brooded. I guess I should have known, because now she did to me what she did to him." I chuckled darkly.

"Don't say that. What she did to you was much worse, but, I don't know… let the one without blame throw the first stone." She looked like she was going to cry now, and I didn't know why.

"What's wrong Bella? Are you alright?" I asked her, and she just looked at me.

She didn't say anything at first, letting tears fall from her eyes. I wanted to help her, I wanted to let her know I was there for her, but I mostly wanted to ease her pain and redeem myself for the crap I did last night.

"I cheated on Jacob too." She said softly, lighting another cigarette. "Twice." She added.

_She's the same_, I thought. _I told her that last night, and I was right._

"We weren't official yet, we were just dating, and… I kissed my best friend. I didn't think much of it, because we were best friends and Alec and I always had this weird sort of sexual chemistry that was about to explode anytime… So one night, I just caved. We kissed, and it meant nothing. I was confused at first, but then I realized it didn't change anything, not my feeling or his, and that we would always be friends." She shook her head, and she was still crying.

_She's the same as Kate. I should have known better than to trust her._

"Then at some stupid party, I got really, really drunk, and this boy from my school came onto me, and I… I don't really know what I did, honestly I don't remember. I know I didn't sleep with him because I was a virgin when I slept with Jacob, but I don't know what I did." She cried in full force now, almost sobbing.

"I didn't tell Jacob until after six months, and by then I already fell in love with him. He was my world and I… I broke him. He was my everything, I lived and breathed for him, and I couldn't hide it from him, not anymore. So I told him, thinking he would understand, and he didn't."

She laughed, but it was a hollow laugh, laugh of desperation. Her hands were shaking, cigarette long forgotten in the ashtray. It was like she couldn't stop talking, like she needed an outlet, she needed to tell someone, someone who wasn't really her friend, someone outside, just to tell her that in the end it will all be alright.

"He broke up with me a million times… he told me horrible things… he told me I wasn't worthy of anyone's love. That I was a pathetic liar who will never be worthy of him. That he is keeping me around until someone better comes along. Then he would tell me he loved me and he doesn't mean it… then he would kiss me and hug me and be such a nice boyfriend… until he found some insane reason to be jealous again, and make my life pathetic again."

_Holly shit!_

"The things he said to me… those weren't big things. You know, insults. It was just… those small things that make you feel bad and self conscious and just… sad. He told me I would never find a guy like him again, who would put up with my pathetic self. And he was insanely jealous, constantly accusing me of cheating on him, making up scenarios in his head that with time became more and more ridiculous." She laughed bitterly. "It started with double penetration, then gangbangs, I don't know… every guy that said Hi to me became a potential lover… or fucker, because I'm such a worthless whore incapable of loving."

She put her head in her hands and started crying. I felt awful for that girl and all the emotional torture she went through. _If she is still with that guy, she must be insane… or really, really self-conscious._ On top of that, she also had to go through fucking physical torture because of me.

_I am such an asshole._

"I was a kid then… not even eighteen. I thought that's the way it should be, you know, no emotions, it doesn't matter. It didn't matter to me, and I loved him, and he should understand, right? He should have understood that it was a stupid, idiotic mistake I never meant to happen and that I was a stupid, spoiled brat and I was so sorry and it never would have happened again." She was sobbing now, crying her eyes out, looking at me like I could tell her everything is alright.

"And now… now, after three years of relationship, after all those things we went through, he breaks up with me because guess what – he found someone else, someone better than me. He fucking moved here because of me, he fucking came to another city, we were supposed to start living together and now he fucking tells me he found someone else, someone who will love him unconditionally and someone he can actually trust."

Her brown eyes were full of tears, her hair in disarray everywhere and her facial expression that of utter heartbreak. It suddenly occurred to me how young she was, and I remembered myself at that time – I was no better. It wasn't fair of me, treating her like she was the same as Kate. At the age of seventeen, you don't know what life is like.

I remembered some other things about her that I picked up from various conversations. Her father wasn't present half of her life, her parents were divorced, her mother took her to Italy after she married some Italian guy. She moved here when she was 15 or 16, to live with her father again… And she moved to bigger city alone in search of a better education.

_That girl was fucking lost._

I knew what Jacob felt, and I understood him. That kind of betrayal isn't easy to get over, especially when you care about that person. I doubted that he loved Bella in those first couple of months, because emotions don't come that easily, plus she didn't fuck another guy – she probably didn't do anything but kiss someone else. I still couldn't understand why he stayed in a relationship with her. He could have just broken it off and saved them both some pain and torture. He even came after her here, and then just left her hanging when he found someone else. That wasn't fair to her, even though she did cheat on him.

I knew I would never again be with Kate after what she did to me, because I can't get over it.

When that thought crossed my mind, it all came back crashing down. All my pain from last night hit me again, and I knew that the one person who could help me get through it is the person that caused such pain in the first place. Now I was alone, heartbroken, without any consolation from the person I love most in the world.

It's just me and this girl who is as fucked up as I am, in this stupid room that smells of disinfectant, coffee and cigarettes.

So I stood up, circled the table and took her into my arms for a hug that I needed as much as she did. She stood up, wincing from the pain that I caused, and held onto me tight.

I pulled us both on the couch, her in my lap, and let her cry in my shirt.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," she kept repeating, as I was lost in my own thoughts. I felt her shaking on top of me, overwhelmed with her guilt and grief, as I was with mine. "I'm the same as Kate, I'm so sorry Edward, you were right last night, I am a whore, I'm so sorry…" I heard her say.

_Yes you are, _I wanted to say, but then I realized I was being the worst human being in this whole fucking world, hurting this little girl even more. It was just the hurt part of me that wanted to cause pain so someone else would be hurting too, so that it wasn't just me with a bleeding heart. But this girl's heart was bleeding too, and I wasn't being fair. She endured emotional torture from her ex, and now I was telling her the same things that he did just because Kate isn't here to face the consequences of her actions.

My head hurt, my heart hurt, and I needed to make things better.

"No, you're not, Bella. You're not. Once again, I am sorry to have told you all those things last night, but they weren't true." I whispered to her, trying to calm her, like a wounded animal. "You were a child, and those mistakes you made don't matter. You were honest enough to come forward and ask for forgiveness, instead of taking the cowardly way and keep your mouth shut. You never slept with another person. Hell, you might not have done anything with that other boy, because you obviously don't remember anything. It's alright Bella, I don't blame you. I'm honestly telling you, I don't think any less of you."

She stopped sobbing at that moment, and looked at me… she looked at me like I was her whole world. Like I was the one who could save her.

"You are not worthless, nor a whore. You are a great person, Bella. You are kind, compassionate, and brave. Hell, you made me coffee and cookies and held me last night while I was falling apart, instead of just sending me to hell, after I hurt you so bad, you can now barely walk."

She shook her head, like she was going to protest, but I put my finger on her lips. It shut her up, mostly. She was sobbing again.

"Thank you Bella. You are, by far, one of the best people I know. Thank you for being you, thank you for not running away from me, and thank you for forgiving me, when I don't deserve your forgiveness."

She didn't say anything, she just wiped the tears that I didn't even feel were falling and hugged me closer.

I have no idea how long we sat there, but eventually we fell asleep again. I guess exhaustion took us over, and it was an emotional 24 hours. My head hurt from all the crying and the alcohol from last night, and I found myself waking up before Bella did.

She was still on top of me, hugging me tightly and snuggling into the place between my neck and my collar-bone. Apparently we slept through the light part of the day because outside it was already much darker than before.

My head hurt like hell, I was thirsty and hungry, but I felt lighter than before.

Hearing Bella's story, listening to what she went through, it made me think differently about stuff. It made me think how I always took everything for granted. It made me think of my loving parents, who supported me along the way. It made me think of Kate and her parents, who were both Doctors. It made me think how she and her older sister always got everything they wanted.

I looked at Bella again, noticing how her chest rose and fell while she was breathing. There were tear traces on her face, but she looked so innocent sleeping, that I just wanted to protect her from the whole world.

_And I will do my best, because this girl deserves me to at least try._

My jacket was on the chair next to us, so I quickly searched for my phone. I didn't want to face the real world again, but I also didn't want our bubble to violently burst.

I opened my phone – 23 missed calls, 13 texts.

_Ed please don't do something stupid, I know it's awful, can you please answer UR phone so I can come and get you? – Em_

_Ed for fucks sake if you crash yourself in a tree I will kill you myself! I'm coming to Patch in the morning, I know you'll go there. I'm sorry buddy. – Em_

"_An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." Made me think of you. Love, Mom_

I smiled at that one. My Mom always knew how to make me smile and subtly point my flaws that annoyed her at the same time. There was also a text from Jazz.

_HNY Ed. Call me when you can. –J_

It was like the fucker could sense that something was wrong.

I sent off texts to Jazz, Em and Mom, telling them I'm okay, wishing them a happy New Year and telling them I will call them soon. Then I deleted all 9 messages and 13 missed calls from Kate, without even bothering to read the texts.

Rationally, I knew I would need to talk to her soon, but I really didn't want to deal with that now. I wanted to stay here, with Bella, maybe talk a bit more, maybe play a game of dice or something, and just push all the bad emotions down for the time being.

Then I heard the door open and I knew I was fucked.

"Ed, where are you?" I heard Emmet calling from the front door. Then he started muttering. "I bet you drank your sorry ass to oblivion you bloody idiot, how many times will I need to see the same scene over and over again?" His voice got louder the closer he got, and when he was in my line of vision he abruptly stopped. He looked tired, and his face changed from worried to furious.

"What the fuck are you doing you moron?" He started whisper-yelling. "Why the fuck would you fu… no, I can't even say that word because that girl is too good for it, why the fuck would you sleep with Bells after all that shit with Kate went down? Are you out of your bloody mind?"

"Shut the fuck up," I whispered back at him. "Nothing happened, you moron. Shut your mouth and sit down and I'll tell you everything. I don't want to wake Bella up."

She was still lying on my chest, her hair covering her chocolate eyes that were now open. I smiled down at her and she smiled back.

"Good morning Bella, sleep well?" I asked her. She moved away from my body and stretched and I felt the loss of heat and comfort at the same time.

"I had a great pillow, so yeah. Hi Em." She went to him and gave him a hug. There was still a stain on the back of her thighs, from the blood of the wound. I felt my mood darken.

Emmet was looking at her, like he was trying to figure out is everything all right.

"Bells, why do you have bandages on your hands?"

He asked the question very quietly, like he didn't want me to hear. Before I could say anything and probably get the ass-kicking of the century, Bella, once again, amazed me. And saved my sorry ass again.

"I broke a tray with some plates, ashtray and a cup yesterday when I woke up and wanted to eat. I tripped over a chair and landed on my hands." She smiled. "But it's okay, it doesn't hurt anymore."

"Holly shit Bells, are you sure you're okay? Ed, did you take a look at this yesterday? Or should I ask, were you sober enough to even bother?" There was a different tone in his voice, like he was wondering if Bella was telling the truth.

"Chill out, Em, Edward helped me put the bandages on properly yesterday. Now how about I make three coffees and then we talk a little bit?" Bella asked.

"You better make it four, doll."

I looked up and saw Rosalie on the door, looking as beautiful and annoyed as ever.

"I'm guessing it's going to be a long talk. Now give a girl some of that blasted nicotine."


End file.
